So many people have said, what a terrible year 2016 has been for losing celebrities and, it’s true, it has. However, someone in our family said recently, ‘it wasn’t 2016, it was the 1980’s’. This got me thinking. What they meant was, the choices that some, not all, of these celebrities made thirty years ago could have contributed to their death in 2016. Before we explore further, please let me re-iterate again, I’m not writing this because I want to say, ‘I told you so’ I want us to stop in our tracks and ask ourselves questions like, if I continue on the path I’m on, will I be dead in twenty or thirty years time? Or what about the question which is more likely for the readers of this blog, if I’d have continued on my path of the 1980’s, could I have joined the list of deaths in 2016? I know a lot of us would answer yes to the second question.

I could have named the celebrities, but I felt it better just to list some of the common facts that I found as I researched the stars.

Numerous sexual partners; numerous divorces; accidental overdoses; suicides; more than one marriage; drug abuse; alcohol abuse; prescription drug abuse; arrests; prison sentences; electroconvulsive therapy; bi-polar; depression; Aids.

Of course, there is not space to go into the details of every celebrity that died and I’m not in any position to say categorically that these are the reasons that the long list of celebrities passed from this life to the next, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that some of the choices made in the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s even into the 00’s could have contributed to an early exit.

We all know about the many ‘stars’ who are either dead or in prison in their 80’s because of what went on in the 1970’s. Rolf Harris, Jimmy Saville, Stuart Hall. These were our ‘heroes’ men we admired, laughed at and respected. Yet, they were abusing children/young adults! Did the media turn a blind eye because they were famous? Will we ever really know the truth? One thing is for sure; your past always catches up with you. You can’t just do what you like with this life and imagine you won’t get caught.

Recently, John and I watched the movie ‘the Jersey boys’. We’d never seen it before and, although we knew loads of the songs, we hadn’t realised that it was the Four Seasons that were responsible for writing so many fantastic songs! Oh what a night, My eyes adored you, Big girls don’t cry, Walk like a man, Sherry, Can’t take my eyes off you and loads more. So many songs that I’ve danced the night away to, great, feel good songs. The other thing that we weren’t aware of was the disastrous back-stories that were going on. Financial trouble (into the hundreds of thousands), marriage break ups, affairs, a teenage accidental overdose (Frankie Valli’s daughter) Six months before that, his stepdaughter was killed after falling from a fire escape. So many tragedies, yet, all most people knew was the music, exhilarating and feel good music, getting you to do the ‘Peter Kay walk’ to the dance floor kind of music. I found it sobering that there were so many lost souls during their story and felt kind of bad that I was unaware of what was really going on. As is my custom when pondering such things, I began to think about church. What is really going on?

I see lots of dangers, but let’s continue with the celebrity status.

When someone famous becomes a Christian, (their fame doesn’t have to be world wide), they can be famous in their community because of what they’ve achieved in that community: sport, music, charity work etc. even your past life can make you famous, what you were before your conversion. Usually, the church throws you onto a stage to begin to tell the world of their new found faith. There’s usually no time between the biggest decision the person has ever made and their ‘stage’ presence! Why? Because we (most of us who lead churches), think this will be the next big thing, this will be what will make our church grow and, ultimately give us significance because, let’s face it, unless you’ve got numbers, you don’t count for much. Let’s just say it as it is. There is usually no background check, no talking to the family to see how they’re handling the changed person, no finding out whether or not the guy is genuine and is the same ‘nice guy’ at home as he is in church. We just imagine they’ll be able to handle to ‘fame’. Character must come before charisma, but sadly, the church is more attracted to charisma and it believes the world will be too. The more I go on, the more I see that character has to trump charisma or the next big thing will quickly become the last big thing, lots of people will get hurt and we’ll move on. But while ever we’d rather see a crowd, than check a person’s character, we will not get God’s best; it will be counterfeit and won’t last long.

We’ve made some Christian leaders celebrities haven’t we? We give them a platform either because they’ve got a great ‘past’ story and they might just be the ones who fill our church or they’ve built a church of 200 (which let’s face it, is only good this day and age because there aren’t many of them – sad fact). Usually, there are no questions asked, questions like, ‘when was the last time you were on a porn site?’ or ‘when was the last time you drank too much?’ or, which is just as serious, ‘when was the last time you made love to your spouse?’ there seems to be a huge lack of character checks, like those things don’t matter. If you’re reading this, especially if you’re in ministry, ask yourself the question, when was the last time anyone asked you questions like that. If you’re a wife (or husband, for that matter), when did you last ask your partner if they look at porn? Did you know it’s rife?

It’s the same with the stars: Grammys, Oscars, awards, accolades – fantastic, and if they cheat on their partners or do cocaine, so what!?

So, was it really 2016 or could it have been ‘1986’? For the ones who sadly left us this year, I guess it matters not now. But it can serve as a warning or an encouragement for us who are going into 2017 in just a couple of day’s time, to give ourselves the best chance of winning. I hope 2017 will bring for you your hopes and dreams and that it will be a year full of love and life. If you have a tough decision to make because you know you’re on the wrong path, I pray the same for you too. Be encouraged and change your destination. It’s not too late.

 

 

 

 

 I live in Tanzania for most of the year. If you know me, then you know that. Our time at home right now (UK) happened to be during the referendum: the biggest vote that has been in Britain for a very long time. I’m not a politician, I had my personal thoughts, I didn’t really know how to vote, but I knew I should pray. I prayed for God’s will and I can honestly say that I had decided that whichever way the vote went, I would accept it was God’s will for our nation – if not, what’s the point of praying? I kind of assumed (maybe I’m naive) that every believer in the UK was praying the same thing?

I stayed up on the night of the results, (even though I said I wouldn’t, I like my bed too much!) because I could see it wasn’t going in the direction that most of the UK thought it would. I fell asleep around 2.00am – I woke at 4.30am, checked my twitter, saw that we were out and I went back to sleep. I was shocked like everyone, not because I definitely wanted to remain, but I thought the fear that had been sown, would mean the UK would play it safe.

My initial thoughts were of excitement, adventure and the chance to do something new. I was pretty happy because I believed this must be what God wants otherwise the devil won and the Christians in the UK have no power – in other words, it was a complete waste of time praying. My sadness began as I opened social media. The fear, insults, hatred and pride (on the side of those who ‘won’) that was flying around was extremely vexing (Thanks for that word Miss Catherine De Burgh – Pride and prejudice!). I’d have let it go and probably not written this blog if it had been from people who didn’t know Jesus, but it wasn’t. The initial reaction to the result from a lot of Christians was one of fear. So, I started to ask the question: Why was that the first reaction for so many? I think was because too many reacted from their souls – (minds, wills and emotions). The first reaction didn’t come out of believers’ spirits, the inner part of us, the part that doesn’t need to feel in order to act; the part that hosts the same spirit that raised Christ from the dead. (Romans 8:11). A lot of Christians jumped right into the river of fear. ‘Hate’ ruled instead of love and it was heart breaking.

For the people who don’t have the same spirit that raised Christ from the dead inside of them, then fear and uncertainty is understandable and inevitable, at least until it settles down – and I believe it will. But for those of us who have that same spirit, if you reacted with anger, pride, fear or, dare I say, hatred, then shame on you – there is no excuse.

I got to thinking about what it must have been like when Winston Churchill announced to the nation that Britain was again going to war in 1939. Can you imagine? It had only been a little over twenty years since the last one. I’m sure the fear and uncertainty that was flying around was huge! Can you imagine if Facebook had been around? Churchill was not a hero on that day, I’m sure. He was actually in the minority to go to war, but he made his stand and thank God he did. He is a hero today. I’m not comparing that to this, but what I am saying is, we’re grateful that the UK went into a dark place for a while, because we are free today. What if this is God’s will for us? What if HE has an incredible plan for us that couldn’t happen to the same degree if we’d remained? I don’t know that for a fact, I’m just thinking out loud.

John (my lovely husband) said that the UK church now has a greater opportunity to influence policy in the UK. It really had less chance to influence the policy of the EU (other than a miracle) simply because of the volume of people who could block that influence on policy. It’s time for the church to grow up and to rise into its potential – can we do it? Can we rise into the people that Jesus died for us to be? I think we can, but it’s going to take strength of leadership. Insecurity is going to have to die, leaders must lead, yet also be open to be coached – it’s not always the congregation or the elders that are wrong (Honest!). Apathy amongst congregations is going to have to die. If you only go to church every three weeks, then you’re not helping. If you don’t regularly spend time in the word of God and in prayer, then you’re not helping. If you’re sick, but you’re not in the dwelling place (Psalm 91), you’re probably not going to get your prayers to be healed answered. Is that because God doesn’t want to? No. It’s because he expects us to fulfil our parts of his promises. Here’s just one: “Acknowledge him in ALL your ways, and he will make your paths straight.” If you don’t acknowledge him, then do not expect your paths to be straight. Sorry, but that’s the ‘deal’. Fair enough, I think.

The nation has most certainly been divided by what’s happened, but here are a couple of interesting things. On the Saturday after the result, there was a gay pride march in London. Thousands of people took to the streets to stand together. Do you think all of them there voted the same way in the referendum? I doubt it, but it was all forgotten because they had a common cause – their cause, for that day at least, was bigger than leaving the EU.

The Euros (European football competition) are going on at the moment too. Did the Welsh, English, Northern Irish fans all vote the same in the referendum? I doubt it, but it was all forgotten because they are each cheering for the same team.

I can’t help those who don’t know Christ with this blog. I’m not trying to. I don’t know the nitty gritty of the future – truth is, no human does. What I want to do is encourage/challenge the stance of those who do know Jesus. Scripture says: “All things work together for the good for those who LOVE the Lord.” Is that true? If it is, then let’s LOVE him (and each other) more than we ever have and things will work together for good! They will! If you’ve hurt your social media friends, (whichever way you voted), by your comments, humble yourself and say sorry, publicly, if possible because that will have more power.

“The whole of creation is waiting in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed.” Romans 8:19

It is our shift so let’s take this chance to shine. We’ve taken hold of the baton – what are you going to do about it?

 

 

The title of this blog will become clearer as you read – honest. But first, a question: what is sin? A strange word that isn’t heard other than in religious circles. To me, sin is anything that violates God’s commands to love. Agape Love is the only way that this Christian life will work properly and the bar has been set high, but it is a bar that every Christian can at least attempt to reach. Aren’t you glad He didn’t leave us with the 613 laws of the Old Testament? If that were the case, instead of reading this, you’d probably have to go out shopping for animals for your daily sacrifices. I say, ‘thank you Lord’ that Jesus came and replaced 613 with just two. ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength’ and ‘love your neighbour as you love yourself.’ We need to add, ‘love one another as I have loved you’ even though Jesus doesn’t say that one at the same time as the other two, He did say it and He said it to the church. This is probably the hardest part to keep because it involves loving fellow Christians which, if you’ve been around church for any length of time, can be very difficult to do. That is why He commanded it. So any act of sin disconnects you from the Father (not from your salvation, but from walking in the fullness of the blessings of God) until the point that you confess it and God forgives you. He’s promised that He will. Isn’t that great news?

“If you confess your sin, he is faithful and just to forgive your sin and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

Even though we have great scriptures like that, it’s unrealistic to think that we, as Christians, will ever stop sinning all together, it should get less, but it will always remain. Because sin will always be with us, the church should be a place where those who struggle can come and feel safe; they can talk and get help without feeling like a useless failure or, worse still, receiving judgement and condemnation. I’m not talking about forgoing consequences, you have to live with consequences if you make wrong choices – that’s life. But agape is the answer to help those who are struggling, to a place of victory. Sadly, too many people have been judged and ‘thrown out’ (felt compelled to leave church) when what they needed was unconditional love and restoration. Do I mean that we just ignore sin in church? Of course not, like I said, consequences are a natural force after any choice we make, but we should leave the consequences to those in leadership (and hopefully they will carry them out under the banner of Agape) Our job is to make sure a person who’s failed knows that they still have value as a human being.

So, why did I call this blog, ‘Learning to wee where it can’t be seen?’

It’s a funny title that carries a serious message and it came from a conversation I was having with my daughter and son-in-law. We were discussing this issue of sin and what happens to a person whose leaders lead by fear, control and manipulation.

I don’t own a dog, but I am told that if you continually beat it for weeing in the wrong places instead of training it where to wee, because of fear of a beating, it will go off in a corner and do its business where you won’t see. It’s the same with sin. If you know that if people found out about your struggle with a certain sin and that that would lead to a beating (metaphorically speaking, well, at least I hope so!), and if you have no one you can talk to about it, you will carry on in a corner where no one can see. You’ll struggle alone. Christians mess up, we know it, but what I am saying is this, if our churches, organisations, ministry teams, environments etc. don’t create a culture of love and forgiveness, then there will be a whole lot of ‘weeing’ going on and it won’t be seen.

Some times ministry teams are places where sin issues aren’t talked about and if a team member messes up, instead of helping them through or finding out the whys of it, (forgetting the consequence for the time being), the person is judged and more often than not, sent on their way – no forgiveness or unconditional love shown. What this creates is an environment of fear where no one dare mess up and admit it. The problem with that is that people will still mess up, but they will learn how to bury it under ground so no one ever finds out. This goes on to create a very superficial atmosphere where everyone pretends that he or she is doing fine. He or she can learn how to smile, pray, worship and say all the right things. We are good at that and then we leave church or work and head to our secret life – and we will get away with it, for a while at least.

It would be so much better if we created environments that promote this verse that Paul wrote to the Ephesians:

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

If you’re a leader of any description, make sure that the people who you lead know that the best way to live this Christian life is to make good, solid, sound choices. Tell them not to let the enemy into areas of their lives where they feel vulnerable. Tell them to ditch their computer if they’re getting into porn, but also make sure they know that when or if they mess up, you will not condemn them, but you will provide a safe environment (maybe that would have to be another church depending on the situation) and that they will always have worth as a person. Don’t make the group you lead go off in corners to ‘wee’ where no one can see. That helps no one.

If a group or a church is lead by control and manipulation then the environment that is created is false. There will be hurting people, bound people and scared people who daren’t confess their struggles.

So let’s be patient with each other and also create an atmosphere where no one feels scared to talk about their difficulty with sin. Living in sin will limit your life, so talk to someone who can help you get free.

 

 

 

I’d love to have a discussion on where the ugly assumption comes from that missionaries shouldn’t openly have any fun. Do you know? If you do, I’d love to hear from you. I actually don’t consider myself a missionary; in fact, it’s not a term we use anymore to describe what we do. So, this blog is not so much about me, but about the thousands of missionaries out there who either daren’t let on that they do have fun or worse, they actually don’t! It’s probably going to get me into trouble, but I’m used to that.

Dictionary definition – Missionary:

 ‘A person sent by a church into an area to carry on evangelism or other activities, as education or hospital work.’

Here are some questions for us to consider:

The questions might not be the case for all missionaries, (I celebrate you if you’re free from them) but, for most, they are very applicable.

I wonder why the missionary can’t have a nice house that over looks the sea? I wonder why the missionary has to stay in the cheapest hotels? I wonder why the missionary has to drive a car that breaks down every other day? I wonder why the missionary can only go home to see family every two years? (It’s not quite as bad as that nowadays – thank the Lord).

As I’m writing, one word comes to mind – ‘fear’. I think it’s fear.

Most missionaries would say they knew in their hearts that they were commissioned by God to go on the mission field. They believe that God was asking them to go. Most go willingly. In 1998, it wasn’t like that for me! We were asked to go to a country that we didn’t even know where it was! I never dreamed of walking the savannah of Africa, I kind of got pushed! Pushed by God and I don’t regret it. When John and I were called missionaries back in 1998, we made a decision that we would make sure our guests, A. had a great experience and B. saw that we lived a good life. We paid for making such decisions.

One particular occasion that springs to mind, is the time we took a team on safari to see the beautiful animals of Tanzania. That day, I had just found out that we couldn’t go home for Christmas – this was for the second year running. I was very distraught – you can ask John how distraught I was! It wasn’t a good day to say one of the sentences a missionary never wants to hear you say:

“Oh it must be so wonderful to be a missionary, I wish I was one”

 I was speechless. I wish I’d have said, ‘OK, would you like to swap places? You’re going home in a week. You’ll be with your family, your friends and all that’s familiar. It wasn’t fair and I didn’t need to hear it. No missionary ever wants to hear it.

Back then, we were salaried and maybe it was easier for us to make those kinds of decisions. We took holidays in Mombasa, stayed in nice hotels whenever we travelled, well, that’s if there was a nice hotel. A visit to Uganda once proved it wasn’t always possible, but we did our best. We had a 6 and 7 year old. Why should they have to suffer because we’d shifted them from the first to the third world?

As I contemplate these things, I see two sides of a coin. One side (the missionary side) which says, if my supporters know that I do this or go there or live here, they will stop supporting me. The other side (the supporter side) says, I’m giving my money for him/her to save the universe and they’re spending it at the beach.

Both sides are wrong and I would like it to change. How can that change happen? Maybe we could start with the following:

A word to supporters:

Give, whoever it is your supporting, a break. How many nice things do you do with your family? Have you got a nice car, house? Did you go on vacation with your family this year? If you’re supporting a missionary personally, once the money leaves your hand, it’s theirs and you have to trust them with it. They will have to give an account for it, not you. If you see a photo on social media of them at the beach or doing something nice, celebrate it. Don’t be so small-minded. Wherever they are in the world, that is where they live and they should be free to have R & R. If that bothers you, then for goodness sake, stop supporting them. God is their source, not you – now the missionaries are panicking! When was the last time you gave them a word of encouragement? They would love to hear it. Why not send them something extra this month and tell them to go away for the weekend. It happens rarely – let’s start a revolution! (I don’t want any of our supporters to do anything for us, we’re fine, and we’re coming to the UK in 4 weeks. I’m standing up for others today! – I’ll talk to you about us next week! Haha! Just kidding)

A word to missionaries:

Chill out – literally if you need to. Go somewhere, take your kids somewhere nice, make good memories and don’t apologise for it. Don’t find the cheapest hotels so that’s what you can write on your newsletter. Splash out! Have fun. John 10:10 is for you too. God sent you to a place away from your friends, family, security and civilisation (depending on where you are). Don’t cheapen Him; don’t justify your existence so you can make your bulletins sound good to get more support. It’s tempting to do that – I know, but you’re just kidding yourself. Take regular time out. You’re no good to anyone if you’re burnt out. Let me just interject a word of warning, if you’re posting pictures of you at the beach every day, then you may need to find a different vocation, be wise too!

I know of missionaries who have put themselves out there and lost support. One lady sent a photo and letter to one of her supporters to say how much she was loving her new missionary life, the support stopped – how sad. I wonder how she was expecting her to live?

The missionaries who laid the tracks over a hundred years ago lived a different kind of life to the 21^st century missionary. Many of them never returned; they literally gave their lives. There was no Internet, no bank transfers, no furlough, no good medical care, no nice places to visit, no nice restaurants (that can be the same now depending on where you live). It’s not like that any more, so please, if you’re of the mind-set that missionaries should live a lesser life than you, change your mind-set, it’s about time it changed.

 

Ramada, Dar es Salaam, (I’m not scared – haha!!)

 

 

 

 God is so very good to me. This is something I know, but every now and again, I get a reminder that God not only cares about the big things in my life: relationships, health, finance etc.. He also likes to bless me with little things that mean something for my life. For me, and I hope for lots of you reading this, I just love to laugh! Not just a hee-hee now and then, but really belly laughter! It’s got me into trouble on more than one occasion, but we won’t talk about that!

There is something liberating about having a laugh. It’s good for your health too – did you know that? Proverbs 17:22, “a cheerful heart is good medicine….” I was having a particular belly laugh the other week and the next day it occurred to me that God has given me friends all over the world with whom I can laugh with: Wales, England, Prague, America, South Africa, Arusha, (Tanzania), Dar es Salaam, Tanga…Wait… Tanga?? Yes, even Tanga, the place that we moved to over a year ago, the place where we knew no one and where there is a very small ex-pat community. God not only gave us friends, but He gave us belly-laugh friends. He could have just given us friends that we could hee-hee with, but He didn’t! Don’t you think that’s amazing? So often, we are consumed with the mountains in our way that we forget or don’t even see, sometimes, the provision that God has given us when it’s staring us right in the face.   You may not be a laugher and that’s OK although personally I think you’re missing out on lots of fun and possibly, friends, but if you’re not, then maybe think about something good that has happened to you in the last week that you didn’t even consider God may have been behind and just say thank you, because the chances are, He was. He loves you and He cares about the little things that mean a lot to you. Be grateful and if nothing good has happened to you this week, why don’t you do something good for someone else? You will reap what you sow.

If you used to be a laugher and this blog has made you realise it’s been a while since you laughed, make a date with friends (happy ones not miserable ones!), watch a comedy and let it go! It will do you the world of good.

If you’ve read much of my stuff before, you will know that I am a big cheerleader of the John 10:10 life. I believe that Jesus died, ultimately for us to spend eternity with him – no tears, no pain, no death, no sickness, no lack, ever, ever again!! I think it’ll be good and I think I’ll do cartwheels. But, I also believe that Jesus died for us to have an adventure before that day comes. If not, he’d have whisked us off to heaven on the day we said ‘yes’ to him. If you’ve ever watched adventure movies, you’ll know that the adventurous life isn’t a life without storms, fighting or drama – it’s not just about the romance, the happy ending and that ‘at last’ kiss that we girls long for (Pride and Prejudice comes to my mind!). The point is, it’s full, exciting and not dull. I think it should be the same way for those of us who have put our faith in the Son of God, in the creator of the whole universe who chose to live in us, by his spirit. Surely. Beware though, the adventure might mean you have to make saying, ‘goodbye’ a regular feature in your life. For us, we have that life. If you don’t know us, we spend most of our year in Tanzania, East Africa and the rest in the UK. This means that we say goodbye to friends and family a lot and it never gets easy.

We began the ‘goodbye’ journey back in the late 90’s when we first moved to Tanzania with our six and seven-year-olds in tow. Everyone was fine until the moment, then we all lost it! It was tough and it continues to be so. John and I now have to say goodbye to our kids and their spouses because they’re not physically with us on this particular adventure. Modern technology has made it easier, I must admit, and the fact that we are mostly only away for a few months at a time, but even so, it’s still difficult. Our parents are not getting any younger and you do wonder, what if? As we said goodbye this last time, I felt God was talking to me about this side of the adventure and that it’s all part of it. If we’d never said goodbye to familiarity back in 1998, we would never have experienced the 1000’s of hellos we’ve experienced since that day. If we want new hellos, it might mean some goodbyes. I’m not suggesting for a moment that you should all up and emigrate, (unless you want to, then do it), but I am encouraging you to find some new hellos. Ask yourself the question, when was the last time you said hello to someone new? If it’s been a while, then I think you’re missing out. Get out there; there are a whole host of people to meet and to influence. We met some great people last year in Tanga, Tanzania – we never knew they existed, but we already know they will be life-long friends. Increase your circle and you will increase your life. Don’t let the thought of goodbye, hold you back. There are adventures to be lived.

Tears, Spaghetti and Angels     book by Deb, if you’d like to read more….

I realise as I start to write this blog that it could land me in some hot water. So, I asked myself, “Why do I do it?” Why don’t I just write about things that will tickle people’s ears? Why don’t I write about princesses and princes, feathers and crowns? That would be far easier and I’d probably have more ‘followers’. I know that my main motivation for writing the stuff that I do is that I really love God’s church, but I want to stop Christians from either being thrown off a cliff or jumping off themselves. This is happening to too many, in my opinion, (“your honour” – that’s for any ‘Good Wife’ fans!!). They say that you should find your one big thing that drives you crazy and talk or write about that. If you’ve read me before, then you know that what drives me crazy are the amount of Christian lives that are sick, weak, defeated, bitter, disillusioned and, quite frankly, dull, with no adventure in sight. I honestly don’t believe that Jesus went through what he went through for that. And so, although it would be nicer to write about princesses and feathers, I know it won’t do you or me any good.

Before I really get going, I need to stress that I’m not addressing those situations that have happened to you or are happening right now that we have no answers for – I guess there will always be those scenarios. I want to address situations that I think I do have answers for and, unless we take seriously the rules that Jesus commanded us to live by, believers won’t stop falling off cliffs.

Clichés are things that we fall back on when we don’t really know what else to say, here are some of my ‘favourites!’ (In case you don’t know me, I’m being a tad sarcastic here!) I love it when preachers say ‘hello’ as if I’m not in the room or I’m an idiot – Maybe when it first came out, around fifty years ago, it was funny – it’s just not any more so can we stop it? ‘Boom!’ what is that and what does it mean? ‘God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.’ ‘Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, just like living in a garage, doesn’t make you a car’ ‘love the sinner, don’t love the sin’ ‘everything happens for a reason’, ‘Good morning, this is God, I will be taking care of your problems today, so just relax and enjoy your day’, now, some of those are a bit of fun and all maybe carried something when the original author said them first, but after a while, they just become an echo and something easy to say when we can’t think of anything else. The one that I want to hone in on in this particular blog is ‘God is in control’.

I hear this said or written down so many times, that the last time I saw it, I said to myself and to my husband, I’m going to write a blog on these four words that roll off some Christians’ tongue as easily as saying hello to the kids every morning. We need to stop and think more about this little phrase and ask the question, ‘Is He?’ In case you’re freaking out a bit, let me assure you that if you’re a Christian, you are a princess or prince and you are going to heaven – that’s a given because of his grace, thank God! But I do not believe God is in control of a life that is not surrendered to him. You cannot live how you like and make crass decisions and then when something goes wrong, glibly say, God is in control – He just isn’t, you did it all on your own. Here are some scenarios, and there’s probably hundreds more where we simply have no right to say that God is in control – remember I am trying to help and not condemn. (the reason for the red writing will become clear at the end of the list)

• If you lead with manipulation, control and fear and your church or organisation is falling apart around you
• If you’re a nasty, unpleasant or gossiping person at work and you lose your job because of those things.
• If you’re on pornography frequently or you’re having inappropriate relationships with someone you shouldn’t be yet your marriage is struggling.
• If you’re getting drunk regularly and you’re struggling with sickness.
• If you’re a lazy Christian and your life isn’t going as planned.
• If you’re holding un-forgiveness towards someone and you’re suffering with depression.
• If you’re not tithing and giving to church and others and your finances are in a mess
• If you eat far too much wrong stuff and you’ve got a weight or diabetic problem.

The reason I have put the ends of these statements in red is to say that when we pray for things, either in a prayer line or a prayer chain, we often focus on the red things and ignore the black. I want to challenge you and me to have the guts to focus on the black in our lives because if we don’t, we have no chance of getting the red stuff in answered – it won’t happen. I’m not saying that every red part of our lives has a black part, sometimes it doesn’t, things just happen, but I honestly think, after over twenty-five years of ministry, there are far more black parts than we want to acknowledge because that’s just much easier to do. Let’s face it, who wants to go to a prayer line with depression and be encouraged that you need to forgive that person who really hurt you. (forgiveness is not easy and I speak from vast experience, but it can be a step towards healing if we’ll do it, for sure) It’s so much easier to say, this is it for me, but God is in control. Who wants to go out for prayer for a marriage problem and told to face up to the pornography issue? Isn’t it much easier to put an arm around a distraught wife than open that can of worms? Of course it is and that’s what the enemy is more than happy with.

Most, not all, of our problems start with us and our bad choices. (Of course we, as Christians, have to add into the mix our enemy) – I read this recently, ‘everything happens for a reason, and sometimes that reason is because you were stupid’ Did you know that there is a verse in the Bible that uses the word, stupid.

 It’s in Proverbs 12:1

“Whoever loves discipline, loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.” Wow!

We’re told in James 1:14 & 15

“But each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

The death that James is talking about here is not just physical death, although I believe that enough fully grown sin could lead to that, he’s talking about the absence of life.

The death I am pointing out today is the red bits of the above statements. The red bits might look nothing like the baby birthed when you gave birth to death or when you continued to make wrong choices without redeeming them along the way. If you’re struggling with anything that you may perceive as red, let me encourage you to look inside to see if there is any black that you need to deal with first. Will it be easy? No. Will it be worth it? Absolutely, yes! What we can’t afford to do for a minute longer is just accept the red and say, God is in control. He just isn’t, we did it all by ourselves. If you want to talk to me or John about any of this stuff, feel free to contact us – we’d love to help if we can. deb@agapelife.co.uk or john@agapelife.co.uk

If you attack the black, I am confident you are more likely to  defeat the red.

 

The List

Before I let my words speak to you today, I want make it absolutely clear that I believe in the sovereignty of God, meaning: He is boss, He can do what He wants, to whom He wants, when He wants. And, yes, there times when we have to say, ‘I just don’t understand.’ What I am speaking about today is what I think is the general rule of what we can expect, from God, in this life.

I decided to write a hard-hitting blog after seeing again so many Christians who are defeated and who make their defeat known on the lovely/awful Facebook. Have we got an enemy that wants to take us out? Yes. Does he have any authority over the believer who is trying to obey God’s Agape commands? No. Does God, who created the whole universe and raised Jesus from the dead, live on the inside of those who believe? Yes. Do Christians face storms? Yes. Can we win? Yes. Can we win if we don’t fight? No. How long are we supposed to fight for? Until we win.

Take a look at the following lists and I’m sure you’ll easily spot the only difference

Poverty

Sickness

Depression

Bitterness

Mental illness

Hatred

Lack

Pornography

Adultery

Going to heaven

List two

Poverty

Sickness

Depression

Mental illness

Bitterness

Hatred

Lack

Pornography

Adultery

Not going to heaven

I don’t have all the answers and I’m not pretending I do. I’m sure there are times that God sends, allows or brings things to us to challenge and stretch etc. but not as many as we make out. If you find yourself on the list and you want to get off it, I believe that you can, but it will take work, possibly a lot of work. I see too many who are accepting a lower level of life than Jesus died to give us.

Something’s wrong and it isn’t God. Jesus died for more than just heaven.  What are we playing at? I think there is more victory to be had, but I don’t think, generally speaking, we want to obey the commands of God in order to access that victory. If we spent as much time trying to find answers how to get off the list as we do putting everyone right, I think we’d find our voice to speak to the nation and it would be louder, stronger and, more importantly, we’d be listened to. But, too often, we’d rather live with the list – because that’s what’s known, that’s who I am, this is where I am at, it’s not my fault and so on – than dig into God’s word to find out how we access the abundant life that Jesus promised in John 10:10. I want that and I’m pursuing it. Wanna join me?

Thinking of my friend 7 years on…..(I wrote this in August 2015)

On Saturday 25th July 2015, wherever you were in the world and if you loved and cherished Vicky Taylor as a friend or family member, our worlds were shattered. I was in Tanzania watching a movie with John. My messenger app pinged and nothing could have prepared me for the message I read.

“John, Deb. In case you have not heard, we have just seen the very sad news that Vicky Taylor has passed away today. I know you would want to know, to be praying for Al and the children. God Bless.”

 The person who sent us that will never know how eternally grateful I am that I knew before I read it on Face Book. I know that FB is a great place to let a lot of people know stuff but amongst status’ of what someone had for tea or where someone is on holiday, or wedding photos, it would have been very tough for me to read of such a close friend’s death because I had no idea such news was coming. So thank you to you.

Through my tears this is what I said over and over. ‘This can’t be true.’ I guess you said the same.

This is the first time I have lost a close friend and the pain is immense. Being 5000 miles away doesn’t help. I wanted and I think needed to laugh and cry with the Free- Range-Chick girls. I wanted to be at the funeral. I wanted to hug Al and the kids and I couldn’t. Thanks goes out again to friends who called and messaged, for those who I laughed with during those horrendous early days. Facebook was a friend to me during that time and continues to be.

The last time I saw her was at the end of January this year at a Free Range Chick’s retreat. I flew out to Tanzania the week after that and if anyone would have told me that that would be the last time I would see her this side of heaven, I would never have believed it.

I first met Vicky at the Elim conference – it must be over 10 years ago now. I was a pastor’s wife in Wales and I had heard about Vick so wanted her to come and speak at our church ladies’ weekend. She was running Life Link (an organisation that raised money for missions) at the time and it won’t surprise those of you who knew her that she was running around, red in the face in her blue Life Link t-shirt sorting out an event for the conference. After that initial meeting, we became great friends. I never saw her angry, or sad – her smile would greet you across the room and laughter was always high on the agenda even when her world was crumbling at times – and she did have those times.

If anyone were to ask me who is one of my greatest influencers, it would be Vicky. I know so many would say the same. She helped me believe in myself, we did so much stuff together including women’s conferences and SUMO training. The SUMO training event holds a memory! We shared a room and her snoring was sooooo bad, I ended up sleeping in the bath! I’ll never forget seeing her come into the bathroom the following morning and we laughed for a long time. We would meet for coffee/lunch in Marks and Spencer’s at Cribbs Causeway, Bristol and we would talk for hours. She always made me think and I think I did the same for her.

I was at the very first Free-Range Chicks conference and I still don’t know how this came about but she asked me to sing the Shania Twain song, Man, I feel like a woman at the banquet. There we were all dressed in our poshest dresses ready for a lovely evening of wining and dining. I had NEVER done anything like this before in such a setting and, to be honest, I was very nervous! I didn’t know how it was going to go down and I wondered whether I’d be kicked out of our denomination for it! (Not really, but I think it crossed my mind!) There were some older ladies there from Elim and I just didn’t know if they’d get it! Let’s face it, it’s and unusual song choice for a ladies conference, right? Maybe they’d walk out? Anyway, the time came and within the first few beats of the song, it took off! I loved it, they loved it and I ‘forgave’ Vick for making me do it!! I’ve sung it at a few women’s events since then and it’s all down you to my friend…Thanks!

If your passing was the end, I’m not sure how a lot us would carry on especially Al, Abi, Luke, Jon and Sam – you were an amazing friend, wife, mum, aunty, sister and cousin. I am so very grateful that Jesus was the reason we met and that Jesus is the reason we will see you again – what a party that will be – do you think I could sing, ‘Man, I feel like a woman??’ My heart is at rest because I know that truth but still, for now, this truth remains:

My world will be a little less because you are gone from it.

See you later Vick……

Deb x