The title of this blog will become clearer as you read – honest. But first, a question: what is sin? A strange word that isn’t heard other than in religious circles. To me, sin is anything that violates God’s commands to love. Agape Love is the only way that this Christian life will work properly and the bar has been set high, but it is a bar that every Christian can at least attempt to reach. Aren’t you glad He didn’t leave us with the 613 laws of the Old Testament? If that were the case, instead of reading this, you’d probably have to go out shopping for animals for your daily sacrifices. I say, ‘thank you Lord’ that Jesus came and replaced 613 with just two. ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength’ and ‘love your neighbour as you love yourself.’ We need to add, ‘love one another as I have loved you’ even though Jesus doesn’t say that one at the same time as the other two, He did say it and He said it to the church. This is probably the hardest part to keep because it involves loving fellow Christians which, if you’ve been around church for any length of time, can be very difficult to do. That is why He commanded it. So any act of sin disconnects you from the Father (not from your salvation, but from walking in the fullness of the blessings of God) until the point that you confess it and God forgives you. He’s promised that He will. Isn’t that great news?

“If you confess your sin, he is faithful and just to forgive your sin and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

Even though we have great scriptures like that, it’s unrealistic to think that we, as Christians, will ever stop sinning all together, it should get less, but it will always remain. Because sin will always be with us, the church should be a place where those who struggle can come and feel safe; they can talk and get help without feeling like a useless failure or, worse still, receiving judgement and condemnation. I’m not talking about forgoing consequences, you have to live with consequences if you make wrong choices – that’s life. But agape is the answer to help those who are struggling, to a place of victory. Sadly, too many people have been judged and ‘thrown out’ (felt compelled to leave church) when what they needed was unconditional love and restoration. Do I mean that we just ignore sin in church? Of course not, like I said, consequences are a natural force after any choice we make, but we should leave the consequences to those in leadership (and hopefully they will carry them out under the banner of Agape) Our job is to make sure a person who’s failed knows that they still have value as a human being.

So, why did I call this blog, ‘Learning to wee where it can’t be seen?’

It’s a funny title that carries a serious message and it came from a conversation I was having with my daughter and son-in-law. We were discussing this issue of sin and what happens to a person whose leaders lead by fear, control and manipulation.

I don’t own a dog, but I am told that if you continually beat it for weeing in the wrong places instead of training it where to wee, because of fear of a beating, it will go off in a corner and do its business where you won’t see. It’s the same with sin. If you know that if people found out about your struggle with a certain sin and that that would lead to a beating (metaphorically speaking, well, at least I hope so!), and if you have no one you can talk to about it, you will carry on in a corner where no one can see. You’ll struggle alone. Christians mess up, we know it, but what I am saying is this, if our churches, organisations, ministry teams, environments etc. don’t create a culture of love and forgiveness, then there will be a whole lot of ‘weeing’ going on and it won’t be seen.

Some times ministry teams are places where sin issues aren’t talked about and if a team member messes up, instead of helping them through or finding out the whys of it, (forgetting the consequence for the time being), the person is judged and more often than not, sent on their way – no forgiveness or unconditional love shown. What this creates is an environment of fear where no one dare mess up and admit it. The problem with that is that people will still mess up, but they will learn how to bury it under ground so no one ever finds out. This goes on to create a very superficial atmosphere where everyone pretends that he or she is doing fine. He or she can learn how to smile, pray, worship and say all the right things. We are good at that and then we leave church or work and head to our secret life – and we will get away with it, for a while at least.

It would be so much better if we created environments that promote this verse that Paul wrote to the Ephesians:

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

If you’re a leader of any description, make sure that the people who you lead know that the best way to live this Christian life is to make good, solid, sound choices. Tell them not to let the enemy into areas of their lives where they feel vulnerable. Tell them to ditch their computer if they’re getting into porn, but also make sure they know that when or if they mess up, you will not condemn them, but you will provide a safe environment (maybe that would have to be another church depending on the situation) and that they will always have worth as a person. Don’t make the group you lead go off in corners to ‘wee’ where no one can see. That helps no one.

If a group or a church is lead by control and manipulation then the environment that is created is false. There will be hurting people, bound people and scared people who daren’t confess their struggles.

So let’s be patient with each other and also create an atmosphere where no one feels scared to talk about their difficulty with sin. Living in sin will limit your life, so talk to someone who can help you get free.

 

 

 

I’d love to have a discussion on where the ugly assumption comes from that missionaries shouldn’t openly have any fun. Do you know? If you do, I’d love to hear from you. I actually don’t consider myself a missionary; in fact, it’s not a term we use anymore to describe what we do. So, this blog is not so much about me, but about the thousands of missionaries out there who either daren’t let on that they do have fun or worse, they actually don’t! It’s probably going to get me into trouble, but I’m used to that.

Dictionary definition – Missionary:

 ‘A person sent by a church into an area to carry on evangelism or other activities, as education or hospital work.’

Here are some questions for us to consider:

The questions might not be the case for all missionaries, (I celebrate you if you’re free from them) but, for most, they are very applicable.

I wonder why the missionary can’t have a nice house that over looks the sea? I wonder why the missionary has to stay in the cheapest hotels? I wonder why the missionary has to drive a car that breaks down every other day? I wonder why the missionary can only go home to see family every two years? (It’s not quite as bad as that nowadays – thank the Lord).

As I’m writing, one word comes to mind – ‘fear’. I think it’s fear.

Most missionaries would say they knew in their hearts that they were commissioned by God to go on the mission field. They believe that God was asking them to go. Most go willingly. In 1998, it wasn’t like that for me! We were asked to go to a country that we didn’t even know where it was! I never dreamed of walking the savannah of Africa, I kind of got pushed! Pushed by God and I don’t regret it. When John and I were called missionaries back in 1998, we made a decision that we would make sure our guests, A. had a great experience and B. saw that we lived a good life. We paid for making such decisions.

One particular occasion that springs to mind, is the time we took a team on safari to see the beautiful animals of Tanzania. That day, I had just found out that we couldn’t go home for Christmas – this was for the second year running. I was very distraught – you can ask John how distraught I was! It wasn’t a good day to say one of the sentences a missionary never wants to hear you say:

“Oh it must be so wonderful to be a missionary, I wish I was one”

 I was speechless. I wish I’d have said, ‘OK, would you like to swap places? You’re going home in a week. You’ll be with your family, your friends and all that’s familiar. It wasn’t fair and I didn’t need to hear it. No missionary ever wants to hear it.

Back then, we were salaried and maybe it was easier for us to make those kinds of decisions. We took holidays in Mombasa, stayed in nice hotels whenever we travelled, well, that’s if there was a nice hotel. A visit to Uganda once proved it wasn’t always possible, but we did our best. We had a 6 and 7 year old. Why should they have to suffer because we’d shifted them from the first to the third world?

As I contemplate these things, I see two sides of a coin. One side (the missionary side) which says, if my supporters know that I do this or go there or live here, they will stop supporting me. The other side (the supporter side) says, I’m giving my money for him/her to save the universe and they’re spending it at the beach.

Both sides are wrong and I would like it to change. How can that change happen? Maybe we could start with the following:

A word to supporters:

Give, whoever it is your supporting, a break. How many nice things do you do with your family? Have you got a nice car, house? Did you go on vacation with your family this year? If you’re supporting a missionary personally, once the money leaves your hand, it’s theirs and you have to trust them with it. They will have to give an account for it, not you. If you see a photo on social media of them at the beach or doing something nice, celebrate it. Don’t be so small-minded. Wherever they are in the world, that is where they live and they should be free to have R & R. If that bothers you, then for goodness sake, stop supporting them. God is their source, not you – now the missionaries are panicking! When was the last time you gave them a word of encouragement? They would love to hear it. Why not send them something extra this month and tell them to go away for the weekend. It happens rarely – let’s start a revolution! (I don’t want any of our supporters to do anything for us, we’re fine, and we’re coming to the UK in 4 weeks. I’m standing up for others today! – I’ll talk to you about us next week! Haha! Just kidding)

A word to missionaries:

Chill out – literally if you need to. Go somewhere, take your kids somewhere nice, make good memories and don’t apologise for it. Don’t find the cheapest hotels so that’s what you can write on your newsletter. Splash out! Have fun. John 10:10 is for you too. God sent you to a place away from your friends, family, security and civilisation (depending on where you are). Don’t cheapen Him; don’t justify your existence so you can make your bulletins sound good to get more support. It’s tempting to do that – I know, but you’re just kidding yourself. Take regular time out. You’re no good to anyone if you’re burnt out. Let me just interject a word of warning, if you’re posting pictures of you at the beach every day, then you may need to find a different vocation, be wise too!

I know of missionaries who have put themselves out there and lost support. One lady sent a photo and letter to one of her supporters to say how much she was loving her new missionary life, the support stopped – how sad. I wonder how she was expecting her to live?

The missionaries who laid the tracks over a hundred years ago lived a different kind of life to the 21^st century missionary. Many of them never returned; they literally gave their lives. There was no Internet, no bank transfers, no furlough, no good medical care, no nice places to visit, no nice restaurants (that can be the same now depending on where you live). It’s not like that any more, so please, if you’re of the mind-set that missionaries should live a lesser life than you, change your mind-set, it’s about time it changed.

 

Ramada, Dar es Salaam, (I’m not scared – haha!!)