Now there’s a question for a Monday morning!

Let me explain…..First of all, let me emphasise that I believe wholeheartedly that compassion is a very necessary gift that is needed for God’s church today and I am not speaking against that. What I am saying though,  is that I think, for too long, the church has given compassion to people who maybe need a, dare I say it, a kick up the bum instead!!, – oops! I said it! So, as you read on, please understand that I am not taking about when peoples’ storms are severe – during those times, the church needs to show compassion. BUT, there are times when compassion does a person no good whatsoever and those are the kinds of issues I want to tackle today.

When we first came into the pastoral ministry, we really didn’t have a clue how to do it. John did it because he loved people and we both naively thought that if we just loved people, all would be well! How wrong we were! You see, when you are loving one person or a group of people one way, you’re not loving the other person or group! Loving your congregation by having a short sermon, for example, is not loving the part of the congregation who want longer! Fast songs, slow songs, communion every week or once a month…..the list could go on and if you try and love everyone in the way they want, you are heading for a padded cell! (OK slight over exaggeration) But, having said that,  there are too many pastors and pastor’s wives on anti-depressants which is serious enough and, as far as I’m concerned, shouldn’t be. Read John 10:10 if you don’t believe me.

We have had so many people pass through our church who have said things to us like, ‘this is the best church we’ve ever been to!’ ‘top drawer sermon Pastor!’ ‘What a great church!’ and then, as soon as we have said ‘no’ to something, e.g. their ministry being developed in the church,or   leadership position, or music ministry position, or practical help, they leave! I shake my head as I write!

If your pastor, and his wife, for that matter are not tickling where you’re at right now, will you give them a break! If they don’t visit you because you’ve got a cold, let them off! If she didn’t speak to you yesterday, so what? You have no idea what she might be dealing with. They are fighting the devil everyday to advance God’s kingdom on earth and they don’t need you pouting because you’ve got the sniffles! Grow up and stand on God’s word for your own healing. And here’s a challenge, don’t talk about them more than you pray for them – Ouch! that’s one for me too – Although, I don’t talk about my pastor, I think he’s awesome!! – I am biased of course!

Ministers are under great pressure to ‘love’ everyone who walks through the doors and, for some, if it means the people will stay, sadly, they will give in to their wants and needs. How many men/women have been made elders, or given leadership positions because of their perceived success in the work place and then made the Pastor’s life hell? The pressure to please people is enormous. It’s numbers that matter…. Once you have given a position to a person, it is much more difficult to remove them. If you’re in ministry reading this, take heed and don’t put anyone in position until they have proved that they agree with your core values, don’t think ‘It’ll be OK, we’ll change them,’ believe me, you won’t. I speak from experience. It’s not that the people are bad people, it’s just a clash of core values.

What about a Christian who is constantly up and down? One minute they’re on fire for the Lord and the next minute they think they’ve lost their salvation, one minute they’re at every meeting and the next you don’t see them at all! Maybe an arm around the shoulder the first few times is necessary, but if we keep just putting our arms around these kinds of people, I believe we do them a dis-service.

What about long term depression? Firstly, I know that depression is a real illness and I know it’s an earthly reality for many Christians, (John was there 12 years ago – so we know all about it)  BUT! BUT! BUT! If you’re still depressed after years then something is wrong and it isn’t God. Just imagine, if you will, a world where no Christians are on medication for depression? Is this far fetched? John 10:10. I don’t think so. I think the world would notice and look on in amazement! Now, I am not saying throw medication away, I am grateful for the NHS, and, if it’s necessary, for a time, to help, then go ahead.  I just long for a day when the church is victorious in these kinds of areas. Is it possible? God seems to think so ……Luke 1:37, “For with God nothing is ever impossible and no word from God shall be without power or impossible of fulfillment.’

The world in which we live in today is changing and the ONLY hope for our nation is Jesus. He isn’t on earth in bodily form anymore, he’s left it to us! and if we produce a church that only delivers compassion and not victory then we will simply get weaker and weaker and our message won’t convince anyone that we have the best way to live.

Come on Church, it’s time to grow up and head to that place where we are mature and complete, not lacking anything!  (James 1:4) When we get there, the World will know that God is real!

Choice and consequence is an incredibly large part of our lives, yet we don’t hear too much about it. We hear so much about God’s grace, forgiveness and mercy which are absolutely amazing and I’m very glad that God has those characteristics! Where would any of us be without those attributes? But what we must realise is, that even though God will forgive any sin that we confess and repent of, we may have to live with some of the consequences of the choices WE made. Our life is about our choices! Where we are today is because of the choices we made. It’s also fair to say that some of our consequences might be because of someone else’s choices. You may have had a disastrous childhood, you may have been abused, neglected, rejected by a parent. These things happen and they are tragic and do have an affect on our adult life if we don’t redeem it. When we become Christians, we can do something about it. We can’t continue to blame parents, aunties, uncles, teachers etc… We are the only ones who can do something about it. Your situation may have been brought on by a tragedy or a depression or by something someone said but we cannot continue to blame other people for our lives. We have to look in the mirror and decide that we are going to do something about it. I heard this once, if it is to be, it is up to me! Ten two letter words that are immense for our lives.
I was once at a conference and I was asked to pray for a lady. She was suffering with rejection – seems to be a biggy in the church – I asked her her story. Basically, she was left on a hospital step when she was just a few days old. How awful, how sad! BUT she was now in her 40’s and I couldn’t help but think, why haven’t you moved on from this yet? Why haven’t you got a victory yet? Isn’t God big enough to help us deal with the tragedies that come our way? Of course He is. You see, it’s not what happens to you, it’s what happens in you. It’s how you respond to a storm. The church, in my opinion, is being battered by the devil because we haven’t grasped the full message of the gospel. We are taught that His love is unconditional, and it is, again, thank you God!! BUT his blessings are absolutely conditional! All of his promises come with a clause and if we don’t live by the clause, we can’t expect the promise. Fair enough I think. Our choices are a massive part of how our life will turn out.
Imagine that your life is a piece of string. If we make a wrong choice, then we tie a knot in that string. As soon as we realise we made a wrong choice, and we repent and get God’s forgiveness, we can undo that one knot very easily. If we continue to add knots to our ‘life’ then it’s going to get harder to undo. Not impossible, just harder! Christians who fall in a dramatic fashion, don’t do it at the first knot. They begin a journey with a first knot and, if they continue, it can end in devastation for the person and usually for their family too. Can God forgive and restore? Of course He can but there could be major consequences to face as a result.
For example, if a girl sleeps with a boy and she becomes pregnant out of wedlock, she can fully repent and be sorry but she can’t give the baby back. It’s done. King David is a prime example of this lesson. He slept with another man’s wife, she got pregnant but the child died. Talk about a serious consequence. But then, because of David’s repentance, God gave him Solomon! The wisest king on earth. Solomon made some terrible choices too but it was said of him that previous statement.
Have you or has someone you know got lots of knots they need to undo? It can be done, but it may take some time. Get alongside them, don’t judge, help them turn their life around one knot at a time. Remember, nothing is impossible for those who believe!
Have an amazing knot free week!!! Make good choices……

Wow! It’s Monday again! Where do the weeks go! Thanks for all your comments on the blog, keep them coming, it’s all good food for thought.

Last week I mentioned that I didn’t believe that children have to walk away from God or church and so I’d like to share some thoughts on that and on my own experience with my kids, Chris (22) and Beth (20), who are both still walking with God and involved in church. Now, don’t go on a guilt trip if yours aren’t, keep reading and keep hope alive because if nothing is impossible for those who believe then nothing is impossible for those who believe!

I don’t think it’s random.  Some kids make and some kids don’t? I think the church should be the greatest place for kids to grow up in and not the worst. I read a frightening statistic recently from an American survey of ministers and their families that said this: 80% of adult children of pastors sought professional help for depression! Surely it isn’t meant to be like this…..

When my kids were younger, someone said to me, ‘Oh they’ll go away from God for a while and then they’ll come back’ I immediately said, (to myself, I was too scared to say it to her face!) no they won’t thanks very much.  I decided that I wasn’t going to have that for my kids. I didn’t want them going into the world of drugs, alcohol and sex and getting a whole load of baggage from the devil so I went to war for them. Did they make mistakes? Yes! Do they have any regrets? Yes! Were they perfect? Absolutely not! (even though some believe that pastor’s kids should be) Were we perfect parents? No we weren’t. I don’t know everything that my kids got up to and I don’t want to!  but I know enough to know that it wasn’t easy for them growing up in a pastor’s home, they had their own battles to face and some of the stuff they went through was very tough. BUT I never let go spiritually.

When you have a baby, as you know, (unless you’re a man and then you haven’t got a clue! haha!), the physical umbilical chord is cut and that life that has been a part of its mum for 9 months becomes an individual. I remember that I felt God say to me once, the physical chord may have been cut but you NEVER have to cut the spiritual one! You are in control of that one! I fought and prayed for my kids constantly. When they were asleep, when they were out I would pray in their room, sometimes shouting at the top of my voice! The devil wasn’t having my children. I couldn’t intervene in the consequences of their choices – I wish I could have – but I prayed and I continue to pray and fight for them to this day, I also have a beautiful daughter-in-law now, I pray and fight for her too! The fight doesn’t stop.

Who is responsible for your kids spiritual well being? The church, the youth group, the youth pastor? They are good aids of course,  but the key is you! I know it’s hard if you belong to a church where there are no kids of your kids age and I know people who have moved church for that reason. I’m not advocating that but for some families that may be necessary. Another friend of mine was so concerned for her kids that she started a youth club that they could go to.

Where the parent goes the child will follow. If they see Jesus as the main ingredient in your life, then no matter what they go through, that will always be their anchor! But if they don’t see ‘Jesus’ in the home and if your commitment to Him and His church is weak then it’s likely that they will go out into the world which is portrayed as a candy store and it’s not until they’re in it that it turns into the ‘child catcher’s cage’ (Chitty Chitty Bang Bang) If you’re not bothered about your own spiritual growth, then you can’t expect your children to be bothered about theirs.

Chris and Beth both had different experiences. Chris joined Sporting Marvels (if you want to know what that is go to http://www.sportingmarvels.com) when he was 17 and, so from a young age, he was planted into an environment that helped him grow spiritually and in a sense there were eyes all around him watching his back so he never ventured into the world as such. (as far as I know anyway!) Beth was different, she didn’t follow the same path as Chris which I wouldn’t have wanted unless she’d have wanted that. Without going into detail, she made some bad choices and suffered some consequences because of those choices but I never gave up!! It’s a bit like them being on a piece of elastic that goes so far and then you have to rein it back in! She never stopped coming to church (that was our families habit – important ingredient) and about 18 months ago, things turned around rapidly and we are where we are today. I was driving to a women’s weekend around that time and I was thanking God for what had happened and, as clear as day, I felt I heard God say, ‘You did it!’ I burst out crying and realised what He meant. I had fought enough and seen a victory. You cannot afford to stay passive. Passivity won’t bring your kids through but fighting will! Remember, nothing is impossible for those who believe.

Here are some practical ways that worked for us and I trust they will help you too and if you haven’t got kids yet, take them on board for later!

1: Going to church has been a habit in my life since before I was born, so we passed it on, it was never debated. Sunday was church.

2: We were no different in the home than we were at church.

3: They watched us have daily quiet times

4: They’ve watched how much we love each other

5: We prayed with them every night.

There are probably more things and you may have some tips to pass on! If your kids are still in church, celebrate and don’t stop praying for them, if they’re not, up your spiritual battle for them.  ‘How long do you fight?’ answer? Until you win!